Now it starts getting real
During the 3rd to 6th month of pregnancy (also known as the second trimester), there are more tangible signs that you’re about to become a father. This is the stage when your baby is growing the most. The foetus grows from around 9 cm long and weighing around 40 grams into a baby weighing up to 1 kg.
As your baby grows, it will become more and more obvious to your partner that you have a baby on the way. You may sometimes see your baby moving inside the mother’s tummy.
What will happen at the first visit to the midwife
The first midwife appointment is arranged 3-4 months into the pregnancy. Your partner will be measured, weighed and have her blood pressure checked. The midwife will also try to get to know you better and talk about diet and lifestyle.
Will it be a girl or a boy?
Around 5 months into the pregnancy, you will be called in for the deformity scan. This is to check that everything is as it should be with your child. During this scan, you can also find out the gender of your baby. It is voluntary, of course, and not everyone takes up the offer. Some couples prefer it to be a surprise when the baby is born. Others think it’s nice to know in advance so they can better relate to the baby inside the womb.
You may slightly prefer one gender over the other, and that’s perfectly normal. Surveys show that one in five fathers-to-be prefer either one gender or the other. They also show that men are equally divided in their preference for a girl or a boy.
Start thinking things out with these questions
• Is there anything from my father's way of being a dad that I can use?
• Is there anything my parents taught me that I want to pass on?
• Are there things from my childhood that I would rather not repeat with my child?
• Is there anything I need to know about?
• Is there anything I need to know, or any tools I need?
What kind of father do you want to be?
You may have started thinking about what kind of father you want to be. Perhaps your own father is a positive role model. Or maybe you need to do things in a completely different way. You may also have seen positive or negative examples of fatherhood among your friends and family. Consider talking to other dads about their thoughts on being a father. This applies especially if there are things in their parenting style that you don’t understand or agree with. There may be a reason why they do what they do.
Your partner probably has similar thoughts about being a mum, and it can be a good exercise to talk to each other about the way you want to be parents. Discussing your thoughts with each other can help prepare you for becoming parents – together and individually.
People around you may have different opinions
As it becomes more and more obvious that you’re expecting a baby, there will be more and more questions for you and your partner. Have you bought a cot? Have you thought about a name for the baby? Which hospital will you give birth in? Have you considered home birth? And what about daycare?
There will also be plenty of advice and opinions on the answers you give. It is all well-intentioned, but can also cause a little stress and uncertainty if you – like most people – haven’t thought it all through from the start. It is quite possible that you do not agree with the things that are said.
Regardless of what friends and family think of the way you prepare, the most important thing is that you yourselves feel comfortable about it. Perhaps you need to ‘build a nest’ and get everything settled. Or maybe you prefer a more relaxed approach. It is an advantage for you as a couple if you agree on your approach to pregnancy and labour. Then you can be more relaxed about other people’s advice and reactions.
